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    The Beaverton

  • BREAKING: Brad Bradford changes mind on becoming mayor of Toronto
    TORONTO – Following a commanding re-election victory by incumbent mayor Olivia Chow, second place candidate Brad Bradford is announcing that he no longer wants to be the next mayor of Toronto Bradford, a full-time campaigner and part-time city councillor, wasted no time setting the record straight as election returns arrived.... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: October 27, 2026 - 2:34 pm
  • B.C. Conservatives celebrate election win by burning down old growth forest
    THE WOODS – After a sweeping victory in the B.C. provincial election that saw the B.C. Conservatives win 64 out of 93 seats, the party is commemorating their win by burning down a large portion of what’s left of the province’s old growth forests. “We wanted to have a little... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: October 26, 2026 - 11:14 pm
  • Toronto driver not sure where to park after city removes bike lanes
    TORONTO – Following the removal of much of the city’s bike lanes, local motorist Jason Welch is facing extreme uncertainty about where he should park his car now. “It’s so annoying to try and park without those handy bike lanes!” Welch said from the driver’s seat of his GMC Acadia.... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: October 26, 2026 - 2:40 pm
  • BC nobly sacrifices good governance to teach one man about hubris
    VICTORIA – The electorate of British Columbia – a province with a population of roughly 5.7 million – has officially and heroically voted against its own self-interest with the sole intention of teaching one individual an important lesson. Said individual is outgoing premier David Eby, who in a display of... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: October 25, 2026 - 12:01 pm
  • Doug Ford bets 10 grand he can stop surge in gambling addiction
    QUEEN’S PARK – To deal with the sharp increase in gambling addiction sweeping the province, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has publicly stated he is so confident he can stop the epidemic that he will put $10,000 on the line. “I’ve got ten-to-one odds that I solve this problem by next... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: October 24, 2026 - 3:35 pm
  • Editorial: Toronto is falling apart, so let me finish it off
    By: Brad Bradford Toronto is falling apart. All around us are violent criminals, people struggling with addiction who are also probably violent, and the worst of all – bike lanes. This once-great city is being driven into a ditch by misguided policy and citizens who delusionally expect City Hall to... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: October 23, 2026 - 7:30 pm
  • Majority of Albertans vote to be Canadian, racist
    EDMONTON – With the results of all ten questions on the Alberta referendum in, a majority of Albertans have sent a clear message to the world that they are not only Canadian, but also racist. “The results speak loud and clear,” announced Premier Danielle Smith, visibly relieved at finally knowing... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: October 23, 2026 - 5:37 pm
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