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    The Beaverton

  • Leafs revamp power play by adding second pointless drop pass before entering zone
    TORONTO – With their power play struggling worse than ever, Toronto Maple Leafs power play coach Marc Savard has introduced a new wrinkle that he’s confident will get the team over the hump: a second unnecessary drop pass before entering the offensive zone. “Right now we have Morgan bring the... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: January 13, 2025 - 5:10 pm
  • Trump unable to pursue military invasion of Canada due to bone spurs
    MAR-A-LAGO, FL – Speaking from his private resort President-Elect Trump explained that, despite his rhetoric, he won’t be able to make good on his threats to annex Canada because of his bone spurs. “Believe me, I want to do it. Itching to do it. But unfortunately my doctors tell me... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: January 11, 2025 - 5:10 pm
  • Trump threatens to tariff California wildfires unless they immediately extinguish themselves
    MAR-A-LAGO, FL – President Elect Trump spoke from his resort to demand that the wildfires destroying large portions of Los Angeles stop immediately or else he will impose various trade sanctions against them. “The California government is totally inept and doesn’t know how to prevent fires. But I do,” Trump... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: January 10, 2025 - 3:38 pm
  • 5 ways to reuse your “Fuck Trudeau” flags
    Listen up, Canadian patriots: the day you’ve been waiting for has finally come. That’s right, Justin Trudeau, the guy you’ve been threatening to fuck for the last several years like the common sense Canadians you are, has finally announced that he’s resigning! And once you’re finished celebrating, most likely by... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: January 6, 2025 - 11:05 pm
  • Trudeau immediately begs for job back after realising he’ll need to buy a house
    OTTAWA – Just hours after announcing he was stepping down as Liberal Party leader and prime minister, Justin Trudeau was begging for the job back after spending 10 minutes browsing the Ottawa housing market. “Wait, so the government doesn’t give everyone a house? And they cost how much? Wow, someone... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: January 6, 2025 - 10:50 pm
  • Trudeau opting not to run in next election closest he’s ever come to electoral reform
    OTTAWA – With Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stepping down as Liberal leader, observers have noted that not running as planned in the upcoming election is technically the closest he has ever come to following through on his 2015 campaign promise for electoral reform. “Trudeau’s initial promise was to reform first... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: January 6, 2025 - 5:48 pm
  • Report: Just one or two million mistakes can bring down a Prime Minister
    OTTAWA – According to experts Justin Trudeau resigning is proof that just making political error after political error over the course of 9 years can topple even the most powerful politician. “Canadian voters have become far less forgiving than they were during the elder Trudeau’s government,” said analyst Chauncey Kearns.... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: January 6, 2025 - 3:40 pm
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