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    The Beaverton

  • ● Everything freedom loving Conservatives have banned Canadians from doing in recent years
    Pierre Poilievre and the Conservatives plan to make Canada the freest country in the world if (ok once) they get into power. In unrelated news here is a list of everything Conservatives currently in power provincially have banned Canadians from doing. 1. Using a name and pronouns that reflects their... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: April 26, 2024 - 3:56 pm
  • American 18-year-olds stoked to vote in last presidential election
    FRESNO, CA – Across the United States young people who will turn eighteen by November 5 are expressing their excitement at being able to vote in the last presidential election of their lifetimes. “Voting is an amazing right for all adult Americans,” said Ashley Connor. “In November I will walk... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: April 25, 2024 - 10:25 pm
  • Calgary unveils new slogan just in time for wildfire season
    CALGARY – City officials have announced that Calgary’s official slogan will change to “Blue Sky City”, just in time for the beginning of the province’s annual Wildfire Season. “We felt that Calgary’s brand as a city was due for a refresh,” notes mayor Jyoti Gondek, “and what better time to... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: April 25, 2024 - 4:09 pm
  • Poilievre meets with far-right east coast extremists to workshop summer conspiracies
    NOVA SCOTIA/NEW BRUNSWICK BORDER – Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre has met with far-right extremists camped out on the border between Nova Scotia and New Brunswick, for the purpose of workshopping conspiracies for the summer season. “It was a heck of a road trip, but I just had to visit my... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: April 24, 2024 - 8:49 pm
  • Was 2003 The Best Year Ever? No, But You People Endlessly Crave Nostalgia Therapy
    Nostalgia, Canada – By every single metric, 2003 was a pretty sub-par year but you just need to live in any other time than now, don’t you? So now we have to list a bunch of things from a time you think was better when it really wasn’t… Linkin Park?... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: April 24, 2024 - 8:44 pm
  • Deadpool & Wolverine to finally introduce Canada to Marvel Cinematic Universe
    HOLLYWOOD – Superhero movie insiders report the upcoming film Deadpool & Wolverine will at long last introduce the long-rumoured nation of Canada to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. While the MCU has previously been established as the home of Wakandans, Asgardians, and Atlanteans, the film franchise has studiously avoided acknowledging the... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: April 23, 2024 - 2:43 am
  • Wealthy Canadians demand the Liberals also raise taxes on the capital gains of the poor
    OTTAWA – After learning the new federal budget will increase the amount of tax paid by people who make more than $250,000 in capital gains in a year, Canada’s richest citizens are demanding their sacrifice be matched by an equal sacrifice from Canada’s poorest citizens. “Why should I have to... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: April 18, 2024 - 10:40 pm
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