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    The Beaverton

  • We ranked the NDP leadership candidates by how likely they are to disappoint you
    As Jagmeet Singh’s disastrous run of the NDP has shown, left wing politicians will always inevitably let you down. Whether it’s relentlessly pushing to the centre to court more votes, never enacting on their promises even when they have the power to do so, or just good old fashioned infighting,... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: November 6, 2025 - 6:05 pm
  • Carney reduces Trudeau’s tree planting program from 2 billion trees to 2
    “It’s a minor revision to the program’s goals.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) dive into the details of Mark Carney’s budget, speculate on the politics of getting it passed, debate Carney’s cozying up to China and pour one out for our beloved Blue Jays.... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: November 6, 2025 - 4:34 am
  • Complex, timeless masterpiece of classical music conjures up only images of cartoon rabbit in drag
    CORNWALL, ON ― 39-year-old landscaper Talia Arsenault became painfully aware of her total lack of refinement recently, when a symphony that had weathered centuries of cultural change thanks to its stirring, intricate construction evoked in her only a flashback to Bugs Bunny in lipstick and heels, seducing Elmer Fudd. “Now... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: November 5, 2025 - 11:31 pm
  • Poilievre to floor-crossing MP: “My leadership style is fine you cuck beta soyboy!”
    OTTAWA – With Yarmouth MP Chris d’Entremont crossing the floor from the Conservatives to the Liberals due to “Poilievre’s leadership style”, the CPC leader has responded “My leadership style is the absolute best you pussy libtard! Good riddance!” Following weeks of controversial statements from Poilievre, including appearing on the YouTube... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: November 5, 2025 - 6:50 pm
  • Katy Perry smiles politely as Trudeau describes himself as “the Canadian Mamdani”
    OTTAWA – Onlookers at high end restaurant La Rivière report spotting celebrity couple Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau on a recent date, during which the former Prime Minister repeatedly drew favourable comparisons between himself and New York City mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani. “Zohran and I are both good looking, we both... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: November 5, 2025 - 4:11 pm
  • President Trump pardons the Hamburglar
    McDonalds, D.C. – US President Donald Trump has added to his list of pardons another well-known criminal, McDonald’s mascot The Hamburglar. “He is a really great guy, this guy,” stated Trump while taking questions earlier this week. “I think he was badly misunderstood, he likes the burgers, we all love... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: November 4, 2025 - 10:19 pm
  • Tech CEOs suggest AI job losses could be offset by UBI which they will violently oppose
    PALO ALTO, CA – A group of Silicon Valley tech CEOs assure North Americans that job losses from artificial intelligence could easily be mitigated by universal basic income, while also adding that they will stop any UBI plans at all costs. “I know that people are scared of AI, which... Read more »
    Source: The Beaverton | Published: November 3, 2025 - 3:07 pm
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