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WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the White House hosts an Ultimate Fighting Championship event on its South Lawn, several competitors who are paid to issue and receive concussions expressed concern about President Trump’s mental faculties. “The President said ‘Thank you for coming to Iran, I’m about to sign a great peace... Read more »

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a funding model which would see Canada’s federally-owned and operated airports become 100% privately owned, but still get half a billion dollars of taxpayer money from time to time whenever they feel like it. Pointing to the overwhelming and ongoing success of... Read more »

TORONTO – Canada’s 1-1 World Cup tie with Bosnia-Herzegovina has officially reignited World War One, forcing Canadians to rejoin the Allied forces. Canada’s inability to defeat the visiting Bosnia-Herzegovina team has forced the world’s nations to enter another protracted “Great War”, demanding justice for the assassination of heir to the... Read more »

“There’s no way a 15 year old who has been online for his entire life knows about those is there?” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and special guest John Batt of @canada.gov.ca) talk about how banning social media for kids is way easier than regulating it for everyone, the... Read more »

Edmunston, NB – New Brunswick Premier Susan Holt says newly discovered alien teleportation technology is ending the province’s reputation as a place to just drive through on the way to other, better tourist destinations. At a news conference in Edmundston near the Quebec border, Holt unveiled a new Stargate that... Read more »

CALGARY – Speaking to a crowd of supporters, Pierre Poilievre urged Albertans to vote to stay part of Canada, partly for national unity, and mostly because he doesn’t want to have to find a third federal riding to run in, in just under 2 years. “As we debate the fight... Read more »

QUEBEC – A new language law will require Quebecois meteorologists to stop using the annual list of Atlantic hurricane names generated by the US National Hurricane Center, and instead refer to all named tropical storms as “Jean-Pierre”.  “The list of storm names generated each year by the National Hurricane Center... Read more »

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark has unveiled his new federal AI strategy, promising Canadians that artificial intelligence technology is the most advanced, efficient way to surrender all of our collective wealth to US Tech oligarchs. “AI is the technology of the future, specifically the future where 5 astronomically-wealthy Silicon Valley... Read more »

Albertan separatists insist that leaving Canada won’t exclude them from keeping some residual benefits of being Canadian. Here is the list they propose: 1. passports 2. currency 3. smugness 4. those little flags we put on backpacks when we travel so people know we’re not American (2 per person) 5.... Read more »